


As the Flowers Bloom in the Azure Moon

by tatertotarmy



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-10-21 16:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20696198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertotarmy/pseuds/tatertotarmy
Summary: As war rages on and the dawn of the millenium beckons, Mercedes and Dedue each search for their way back to Garreg Mach, memories weaving in and out of their thoughts with every step they take.





	1. Remembrance

A clap of thunder, the soft patter of rain, spraying a fogged window and seeping through a cracked roof overhead. It was cold, much colder than Mercedes ever expected this time of year. A shiver ran down her spine as she huddled closer and closer into herself, trying to keep a firm grip of warmth before it slipped away. Across the room, Annette shivered as well, huddled up in a cocoon of blankets.

“You know, Mercie, part of me is a little scared.”

Mercedes looked up at Annette, tugging a blanket closer around her, “What do you mean, Annie?”

“I mean…we’re coming back to the school like we promised…but what if we’re the only ones who show up?” Annette let out a breath, reaching up to tuck some hair behind her ears.

Mercedes was silent for a moment, looking down to the cold ground, a small frown on her own face. That was honestly something she thought about all too often since they decided to journey back to Garreg Mach. Back in the day, when they made that promise to meet again, it was under the belief that everything would be peaceful, and they could laugh together and reminisce about the old days. That they would celebrate the millennium together and things would be okay.

But…that was before the war. 

If Mercedes and Annette were simply journeying back as normal, it would be easier. They wouldn’t be huddled up in an abandoned building, keeping the fire out for fear of attracting bandits or imperial soldiers. They wouldn’t be sneaking away in the dead of night, both too afraid to act so boldly against pro-imperial family members – Mercedes from her adoptive father and Annette from her uncle. They would be laughing and teasing instead of talking softly, both fearing and wishing for dawn. 

Mercedes shook her head, trying to cast those thoughts aside for now, “Well…I’m sure we’ll have to find them and give them a good scolding for forgetting our promise!” She smiled softly, taking in a deep breath and reaching up to her shoulder, where her hair used to fall. Her hand stiffened, and then slowly curled up, anxiously clutching at the fabric of her shirt.

Annette softly chuckled, looking out the window, “Yea, you’re right.”

“I’m sure that everyone will be there, though,” Mercedes spoke, “It was our promise, after all…”

“I…really hope so,” Annette was quiet for a moment, “I wonder how everyone’s been. I think you’re the only one I’ve seen since then.”

“I think I’ve seen Sylvain sometimes on the road, though it was too hard to tell if it really was him…” Mercedes tapped a finger to her lips, “Maybe it wasn’t…surely he would have said hello if he noticed me.”

“That depends on if there were girls around,” Annette chuckled, “He’d probably be distracted big time.”

“That is true. I think I do remember girls,” Mercedes laughed, “I suppose some things never change.”

“That’s the one thing I hoped _would_ change…” Annette shifted a little, pulling the blanket closer, “I do hope Ingrid is there…I wonder if she ever became a knight.”

“I’m sure she’s gotten closer to that goal. She’s a wonderfully determined person.”

“Yea, she really is…” Annette looked over at Mercedes, “Who do you want to see the most, Mercie?”

“You mean other than you?”

“Mercie!” Annette smiled and giggled, “You’ve seen me plenty! I mean anyone else in our class.”

“Well…” Mercedes stopped for a moment, looking forward to a far, barren wall as she thought through each classmate.

Part of her wanted to just be non-committal. She wanted to see everyone again, after all. Even as five years went by, she considered all of her classmates to be her dearest friends, with some of her favorite memories coming from that time despite everything that happened at the end. It was almost unfair to pick one favorite out of the bunch, even with Annette taken out of the equation. 

_”Do you…like the flowers?”_

_Mercedes, five years younger, smiled softly as she knelt down, admiring the beautiful red petals of the flowers. They weren’t like anything she’d ever seen in Faerghus or the Empire. The color was so bold and sharp…and yet the petals seemed so delicate, like they would fall the second she touched them. _

_“They’re beautiful…” Mercedes replied, “I can’t believe I’d never noticed them before…I don’t think I’ve seen any flower like this.” It was such a shame they grew in such a small corner of the greenhouse. So many of the other flowers paled in comparison._

_“I’m glad you like them. They’re…unique to my homeland. I’m glad I could help them bloom here as well.”_

_Mercedes blinked, finally turning her head to look up at the man beside her. A taller man with a large build, dark skin with a shock of white hair upon his head. A normally serious expression softer as he looked down at the flowers. And Mercedes was surprised to see him look that way…but merely smiled again, a happy flutter floating in her chest as her eyes returned to the red flowers. It made her happy to know that Dedue could look like that too. He often looked so serious that it worried her, almost like he was working a little too hard._

_“I’m sure they bloomed because you were watching over them,” Mercedes smiled brightly, slowly standing back up, “It must be nice to have a little piece of home here now.”_

_“Yes…it is.”_

_They remained quiet for a while afterwards, simply content with admiring his work. It was a comfortable silence, lined with only the soft muffled voices outside. Sometimes, the silence bothered Mercedes. After long, excited chats with Annette and the loud voices tracing the halls of the monastery, it felt almost foreign to be in near silence. Even the cathedral always had choirs lining her regular prayers, people chatting to monks in the entryway. Silence and lulls in conversation were rare to her. But this felt…comforting. Like nothing needed to be said. It was a feeling almost like drinking tea during a cool morning…_

“I…really hope that we’ll see Dedue again.”

“Dedue?” Annette’s expression fell, looking away, “Mercie…you did hear the news about his majesty, right? Dedue might have – ”

“I know,” Mercedes merely smiled, keeping an even expression, “But…I still can’t help but hope.” 

“Right…” Annette looked over at Mercedes, “Still…that surprises me. I figured you would have talked about the professor or Felix.”

“Really?” Mercedes looked at Annette, “Dedue and I talked often…it’s something I really enjoyed.”

“Huh? I remember you saying that you talked to him sometimes, but I didn’t know it was that much!”

“Yes, well, we mainly spoke when not a lot of people were around. He even started giving me flowers.”

“Flowers?!” Annette looked practically shocked, “Mercie…don’t tell me…you and him…”

“Oh, nothing of the sort!” Mercedes giggled, looking away so Annette couldn’t catch a hint of pink on her cheeks, “It was just him being kind. He used to grow flowers in the greenhouse, and he would let me have one when they bloomed. It was very sweet of him.”

“Somehow, the image of Dedue growing flowers is a bit strange…” Annette replied.

“I don’t think it’s strange to me,” Mercedes spoke, “He was very careful with them…almost like he was guarding them as well as Dimitri.”

“Really…” Annette looked over Mercedes with a careful eye, “So did you just start getting flowers one day?”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” Mercedes shook her head, finally able to look back again, “I just managed to talk to him about it one day…and it started. It was a surprise…but I really liked it.” 

_ Mercedes hardly knew how long it was when that silence was finally broken._

_“Do you…want one?”_

_She blinked, looking over at him with vague surprise and color on her cheeks, “What? Do you mean one of the flowers?”_

_“I do,” he nodded, his eyes still on the flowers._

_“Are you sure that would be alright?” Mercedes spoke._

_“Of course,” Dedue nodded, finally looking over at Mercedes with a look she could only describe as…uncertain, “These flowers don’t bloom for long…and I’m sure it would be nice for them to be appreciated during that time.”_

_“Well…” Mercedes paused, looking again at the red flowers, “If you insist, then I would love to have one. I have just the vase to use, too!” She smiled again._

_“I’m glad…” Dedue knelt down, pulling out some gardening scissors and reaching out for one of the flowers – one near the center, a larger bloom. Mercedes watched curiously, watching as he reached out with such a delicate touch, taking the utmost care. And then, he cut the flower from the bunch, carefully lifting it out as to not disturb the flower’s siblings in the bunch. He gazed at the cut flower once more, almost as though he were making sure it was in pristine condition, and his gaze turned to hers, his hand reaching out to offer it to her._

_Mercedes could feel her cheeks warm from the gesture, and for a moment she wasn’t sure if she could quite hold the flower as delicately as he could. It was strange and almost natural at how gently he could care for them. She wasn’t sure if she could match that. Almost like the flower would crumble to dust the second she took it for her own. _

_But still, she reached out, accepting it with as much care as Dedue held for it, pulling it to her and admiring it from up close now. She was quiet for a moment, and then looked back down at him._

_“Thank you, Dedue,” Mercedes spoke, “I’ll take good care of it.”_

_Dedue smiled, standing back up straight, “I’m sure you will.”_

_From that day on, Mercedes hardly remembered a day when the vase in her room was empty. While the times between blooms were sometimes long, she remembered the days with a bloom of Duscur in her room far more than the days without._

“So that’s where those flowers were from!” Annette exclaimed.

“Where did you think they were from?” Mercedes turned to look at her friend curiously.

“I don’t know…” Annette looked sheepish, leaning back to the wall, “I just thought you bought them since they were always in your room. Well, either that or some secret admirer…”

“Annie!”

“W-Well, what else could it be?” Annette flushed red, “Part of me wondered whether someone was bothering you with all those. I’m glad it was just Dedue.”

“Oh Annie, you worry too much,” Mercedes chuckled, pausing as a sly smile spread on her lips, “Though…maybe you aren’t too far off the mark.”

“Wait, what – “

The sound of footsteps broke through the rain, and the two of them froze. For a long moment, the two of them sat there, wide eyes connected and afraid. After what seemed like an eternity, Annette stood up with her staff, walking to the window, making sure she was hidden by a frayed curtain. Through the holes of the curtain, Annette watched, her fists tightening all the while. Mercedes only watched with wide eyes, one hand reaching for a dagger and gripping it tight. 

There was a long moment of silence. Then, Annette frowned, looking at Mercedes.

“Looks like scouts.” A whispered warning under hushed breaths. “They’ll be gone soon.”

Still, Annette kept a white-knuckled grip on her staff, glaring out in the distance.

Mercedes sat stiff for a long while, one hand anxiously reaching up to hair that was no longer there.

\--

Another swing of an axe. Another bandit fallen by his feet.

Dedue panted as rain dripped down his face (or blood – at this point, he could hardly tell), anger growing with every moment this battle waged on. Bandits meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, only one more obstacle between him and his highness. One more distraction and delay from rushing back to his rightful place. Even if he did not know where in Fodlan that place was. 

He took in a harsh breath as he saw movement further, two more bandits remaining on the far road, both saying something obscured by the sound of rain and thunder. Though he hardly cared what it was they said. Either he would be allowed to pass or they would make a costly mistake. It was as simple as that. 

And so Dedue took one step. And another. One of the bandits charged, and Dedue rose up his axe again, his armor easily deflecting the bandit’s sword as he cut down that bandit. 

And then, a flash of pain. Something sliding through his armor, sliding into him. Dedue looked down to see the last bandit, a sword jammed up through a gap in his armor. The bandit grinned, looking up at him with wild eyes.

And between the pain, Dedue felt a numbness set in. And on a near reflex…he cut down that bandit as well, watching as the final body dropped by his feet, the sword slowly sliding out of him with pain spiking higher and higher by the second.

Dedue bit his tongue, trying to keep himself from completely succumbing to it. This was fine. He had bandages. Vulneraries to use. He just needed to find shelter. He took one step, another, eyes locking on a crumbled home in the distance, long since abandoned from the war. Dedue only focused on that, trying to block everything else out. The pain spiderwebbing out from his torso. The fatigue in his arms practically dragging the axe behind him. The scent of blood coating him, a mixture of water and pure red running down his heavy armor. All of that was unnecessary. All he needed to do was reach that house.

_”Dedue, you hurt yourself again during practice, didn’t you?”_

_Dedue blinked, looking down at a woman with sandy blonde hair tied into a ponytail, a pleasant face deceiving the curt tone of her words. He was silent for a moment, tempted to hide the injury for a moment…but knowing that would only make things worse. As the months went by, it only became clear that she was the most observant of their entire class, and things hardly slipped by her…whether if someone wanted them to or not._

_“I…yes. Though it is only a scratch from a sword, it’s hardly worth mentioning.”_

_“Any injury is worth mentioning,” she looked concerned, looking him up and down, “Where is it?”_

_Dedue sighed, knowing there was no stepping away from this now as he slowly held out his hand, showing a deep cut along the back of his hand. It wasn’t the worst injury he’d ever gotten, and he was sure that it would heal on its own. But still…Mercedes always seemed to be one to worry about these sorts of things. _

_“Follow me,” Mercedes took a step away, gesturing him to follow, “I’ll get you patched right up.”_

Armor clashed with cold brick as he slumped against the wall of the house, trying to keep upright. It was getting harder to ignore the pain now. It just kept growing by the minute, no matter what he thought of to distract him. Dedue panted, looking down to a thick river of blood flowing down his armor to the mud below. One hazy part of him feared that someone would see a trail and follow him. And that stubborn half dared for more to come and stand in his way. Even like this, he could still fight them off. It was the least Dedue could do. 

Finally, Dedue slinked into the abandoned house, though it hardly felt like he was inside. The rain still pelted him, the ceiling only covering parts of the home. But he quickly started shedding his armor, throwing his bag down in front of him. He still had plenty of bandages. He still had plenty of vulneraries. He could do this. He just needed to be quick.

_”Why are you doing this?” _

_His question echoed around her room, and she didn’t look at him, still hard at work. He sat on her bed, his hand in hers as she delicately dabbed at his cut, trying to clean it before she healed him. But her movements were slower, and he could see on her expression that she was thinking something over. Vague emotions crossing her face. Confusion. Concern. _

_Finally, her lips parted as she paused her work, looking up at him, “Why is that a question?”_

_“Isn’t it obvious?” Dedue asked, “You’re alone with a man from Duscur. Surely you know the implications of that.”_

_“Yes…” Mercedes looked back down at his hand, dabbing a little more at it, “But I don’t mind that. I’m helping you with an injury. That’s all that should matter, right?”_

_“I suppose, but – “_

_“I think I can heal it now,” Mercedes just smiled, walking back over to a corner of the room to put away her medical supplies, “You’ll be good as new.”_

_Dedue opened his mouth to continue…but soon fell silent. That’s all that should matter…hm? It was a nice sentiment, but it wasn’t exactly the reality of the situation. He heard people whispering about him in the hallways, sometimes only caught in parts and sometimes heard in full by those who wanted him to hear. That he was a traitorous person from Duscur, someone who wasn’t to be trusted. While Dedue would never act against his highness…it was simply the reality of his situation. It was only natural to help others avoid being lumped in with him. After all…if someone spoke with him and others saw…they would think of them as a traitor as well. It wasn’t something that gave him joy…it was just one kindness he could give to others. _

_Which is why when people chose to continue to associate him aside from his highness…it confused him. _

_“Alright, here we go…” Mercedes walked back, delicately taking his hand as her palms lit up with a faint white glow. Dedue could feel warmth envelope his hand, the magic slowly threading his injury together. He watched with curious eyes. He knew the sensation well from the few battles they’d been on as a class…but it was all in the heat of the moment, pain followed by nothing. But now he could see it as it worked. It was…fascinating, if he were being completely honest._

_Soon, the glow faded and Mercedes drew her hands back. And his hand was healed, almost like it had never been injured in the first place._

_“There you go!” Mercedes smiled, “You’re all fixed up.”_

_“Thank you…” Dedue spoke, flexing his hand a few times before standing up, “I should go. I wouldn’t want to disturb you any longer, Mercedes.”_

_“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” she shook her head to emphasize her point, “But…if you get injured again, then please come see me. I’ll always be able to patch you up.”_

_Dedue stood there a while, confused._

_Finally, a question bubbled up, “Why?”_

_Mercedes blinked, then smiled, “Well, it’s because I want to help. And…it’s better to get healed as soon as you can than to wait it off. You could get hurt worse if you let it sit.”_

_“I see…”_

_“And…” Mercedes paused, “Is it wrong to want to help a friend?”_

_Dedue’s eyebrows raised, “A…friend?”_

_“Yes?” Mercedes tilted her head, “Is it wrong to call you that? We’ve been in the same class for a while, so…”_

_“No…it’s just…” A surprise. A shock. Why would anyone want to call him a friend or an ally? Everyone spat on him and his people in Faerghus. Even in the monastery there were those who would rather him disappear. Who would ever want to associate with him?_

_But Mercedes just smiled, completely unaware of all of that. No, that wasn’t true. She was likely aware of it, more aware than he’d ever known. But still, she decided to help him anyway in such a bold manner. _

_Dedue…couldn’t help but give a very soft, subtle smile._

_“Er…okay, yes. A friend.”_

_Mercedes paused, and then giggled, her voice carrying through the room like a melody._

Another flash of pain spiked through him and he gritted his teeth, slowly wrapping a bandage around the wound. This was nothing. He could fix this…and everything would be fine. He would fix this and carry on. 

Dedue bit his tongue, his hazy eyes drifting out a cut in the ceiling, where the storm clouds gathered high above.

And in the back of his mind, Dedue thought about that familiar giggle from so long ago.


	2. Death Tolls

He awoke to the sound of rain, a drop of water rolling down his cheek. Another rainy day, further washing away the trail to his highness.

Dedue’s eyes opened to a small, abandoned home, cold and wet, the dilapidated roof hardly keeping the rain out. Part of him was still in a haze, and for a moment he felt confused about where he was and how he had gotten there. But soon the memories of the previous night flowed back, and he grimaced. He slowly sat up, wincing with pain. One of his hands instinctively reached down to brush against a poorly wrapped bandage wound around his stomach, already soaked red with blood.

He sat there for a long moment, allowing himself to get accustomed to the pain once more. And then, wordlessly, he slid out of bed, biting down on his lip as he began going through the motions of putting on his armor.

If he waited too long, the trail of blood would grow colder. And it was something he couldn’t afford to lose.

How long had it been since that day? Four years? Five? He could still remember the sight of Dimitri locked in a cell, practically accepting execution with open arms. It was the last time Dedue saw his highness, walking aimlessly away into a shadowed hall while Dedue slammed the cell door shut on himself, effectively sealing his fate.

Dedue had expected to die that day, clinging to the hope that his highness would live a long life away from the dungeons. 

But…then Dedue was saved by his own people moments before execution. And ever since, Dedue had lived completely alone, only following a trail of blood and rumors about an animalistic man on a rampage, similar to what his highness had become. Though, working on such rumors made it easy for time to slip by, and for Dedue’s urgency to grow stronger by the day.

He hissed in pain as he lifted the plate mail over his head, strapping it into place. The wound burned beneath the pressure, but Dedue kept going on. He couldn’t take a moment’s rest. If Dimitri was near, then he needed to return to his side.

Dedue lurched over, catching the bedpost to stay standing, eyes clenched in pain.

This was simple. This was what he had to do.

He stood there a long while, several drops of rain rolling down his face and down against blood-stained armor. And as he fought through all of the pain to stand upright again and finally get a move on…he couldn’t help but flee to memories of years ago, back before the inception of this horrific war. Days of peace and quiet, of long days learning different techniques, of conversing with classmates, some of which didn’t seem to mind his origins or the stigma surrounding him. Annette…Sylvain…

_Dedue kept his eyes forward, ignoring the stares from the monks and the devout as he stepped into the cathedral, looking around. He was told that she should be in here. He could only hope that he hadn’t arrived too late to catch her there._

_His steps were…clunky. An out-of-tempo mess that disrupted the clear melodies of life in the cathedral. Precise songs of the choir, the strict schedules of followers of the church, devotion to do everything pristinely and correctly. It was something that Dedue still wasn’t accustomed to, even after all this time. Such a different life compared to the life he had in Duscur. A year or so ago, he would have hardly known what to do with himself. _

_Dedue could feel the stares of the priests and the monks, all lined with frowns and furrowed eyebrows. Over the months, he tried to grow accustomed to it, thinking of it all as white noise along his path. But still…it was something he was always aware of now. After all, even if he tried to ignore it…he had to always watch his back. _

_Finally, his eyes fell on her. A woman with long blonde hair, head lowered and eyes closed, deep in prayer before the altar of the goddess._

Dedue took in another sharp breath, another pain spiking through his torso. Just what would she think now, seeing him like this? She was always so observant of everyone in the class, always making sure that everyone was healed up and well after a battle or even a short sparring lesson. He hardly could walk away with a scratch without her noticing. Just what would her expression be at this wound? All the pain?

Surely disappointed. Angry, even. But not in the angry he had seen in others. Nothing like the anger from his highness or Felix. It would be a concentration of keenly-controlled rage, with sharp, daggered words falling from a pleasant, beautiful smile. 

Though…would he ever see that smile again, angry or not?

_Dedue watched a while, uncertain of whether or not he should interrupt a prayer. Despite his life in the culture of Faerghus for the past few years…he still hardly understood something like the Church of Seiros. Duscur’s prayers were more…direct. Short and to the point. After all, there were many gods with their own tasks and burdens. When you prayed to one of them, you prayed to what they represented and held power over. When people prayed to the goddess in this land…it was longer than Dedue was accustomed to. And it was confusing to him. How could one goddess receive every prayer?_

_He waited a moment longer. Then another. And then, he finally stepped forward, interrupting the tempo of the cathedral once more. After all, prayers could not last that long. And unfortunately, he was here on a request from his highness. Waiting forever was unacceptable. _

_“Mercedes.”_

_She turned, genuine surprise crossing her expression as she turned to look at him, “Oh, Dedue! Was there something you needed?” And in an instant, a gentle, polite smile spread on her lips. _

_“His highness sent me to collect you,” Dedue spoke. _

_“I see,” Mercedes nodded, taking a step back as though to turn back towards the altar, “I’ll be with you in just a moment. I’m almost finished here.”_

_Ah. So it had lasted that long._

_“You were praying.” Dedue felt the comment slip out of his mouth before he could stop it. A comment with an upturn of a question bitten back as a last defense. _

_“I was,” Mercedes stopped, looking down, “Praying for everyone’s safety.”_

_So it was an important prayer. Dedue felt a twinge of guilt course through him for interrupting such a thing. It was a noble thing to do, especially when everyone in the academy inevitably would face danger. _

_But then, just as he began to think up an apology, she continued._

_“And praying for good desserts tonight,” Mercedes smiled, “And praying that the greenhouse flowers will bloom.”_

_Dedue blinked, the confusion returning immediately, “The Fodlan goddess will accept prayers of any sort.”_

_She paused, then giggled softly, “It’s true. I’ve thought the same thing myself.”_

A shuttered breath, rain falling harder down his face. Dedue stepped outside, looking out to a vast field with no recognition crossing his eyes. He only had a single direction to go off of. Bandits being picked off one by one on a trail to the east. But…just where was east now?

He looked up to the sky, as if trying to pick out the sun from behind the clouds. It felt…pathetic, if he were being honest. Standing out in the rain, injured and directionless. Dedue had known his path before…but the bandits from before threw him completely off course. Though part of him began to doubt the information he had been given. If bandits were being picked off one by one, then why did he have to pick off several on his own?

Dedue gritted his teeth. Was he back to square one, yet again? How many times was he back in this exact position? 

No matter, he took a step forward in an unknown direction. He would just need to find a town. A town with someone who would speak to a man of Duscur. Who would give him information to send him back on another directionless path. It was a desperate plan, something only a fool would rely on. But at this point…what choice did he have?

He took another step and one more, each sending pain through his body that he bit back more and more. His mind desperately clinging to anything that would distract him. That would lead him further forward.

_”That reminds me, Dedue. Weren’t you born in Duscur?” _

_Dedue couldn’t help but stiffen at the question, looking at her with a hesitant, stern look. His birthplace wasn’t a secret in Garreg Mach. In fact, it was the opposite. But at the mention of it, at such a direct question, he couldn’t help but suspect the worst intentions._

_“Yes…” Dedue stood still, awaiting the worst._

_To his surprise, Mercedes didn’t change her expression, keeping a pleasant smile on her lips, “Do the people of Duscur pray to the goddess too?”_

_Dedue paused, still not completely trusting her intentions. Mercedes was a good person from what he saw in their months together in class, but…it was difficult to gauge these details from only that. _

_“Duscur had a very different view of religion,” Dedue hesitantly answered._

_“Oh?”_

_Dedue paused, raising an eyebrow. Her head tilted the slightest bit, a curious look in her eye. And he became…confused. Why?_

_Still, he continued, “In Duscur there were many gods. The sky had a god. The earth had a god. We made offerings to the war god for victory in battle. Held feasts for the sea god to calm the waves.” He closed his eyes, remembering several of those feasts himself. Standing as a child barely able to look over a table with countless dishes strewn across it, the smells practically wafting throughout the entire room. Sailors drinking and shouting about with loud, boisterous voices and many more chatting around a table, Dedue and several other children weaving beneath the tables, giggling as they found their own fun beneath the adult merriment._

_“So your people prayed to different gods depending on what they needed?” Mercedes asked._

_“Correct.”_

_“Your beliefs sound so different from ours! Tell me more.”_

_“Why?” The question fell out of his mouth before he could even think to stop it. He thought again to those memories. Of feasts that would never come to pass again. Of tales and worships that would never again be held within the land of Duscur. Of friends and family that he would never see again aside from the memories he held dear. _

_Dedue took in a deep breath, looking down and away from her, one of his fists clenching tight, “Duscur is a ruin.” That was a fact that he would live with for the rest of his life. That he was one of the final threads of a dying people, a final ember in a fire that would inevitably go dark. A lingering result of the Tragedy of Duscur._

_Mercedes was silent for a moment, and for a while Dedue wasn’t sure if he should leave or not. He was correct. Duscur was a ruin. This was the end of an unnecessary conversation._

_“Duscur may be gone…” Mercedes softly spoke, a warm kindness in her voice, “But you’re still here.”_

_Dedue stood there a while…unmoving. Duscur was gone…but he was still there. It was a sentence he repeated over and over in his head, part of him understanding and not understanding all the same. He was still here…but for how long? And how long would the other survivors be living? He finally rose up his head to look Mercedes in the eye, only finding the same, kind smile as before._

_“Would you tell me more about it the next time we meet?” _

_Dedue paused a moment more, but then sighed, his voice dragging to an answer, “If you insist.”_

_“Really? That would be great!” Mercedes looked…genuinely happy now, “I’m looking forward to hearing more soon.” And he still didn’t understand. Just what did she gain from knowing more about his people? Just why did she want to know?_

_Those questions lingered in his head as she gave him a polite curtsy and walked away, off to meet his highness. Dedue stood there for a while longer, tracing the floors of the cathedral as those words repeated in his head again and again, like they were part of a puzzle that he could not yet figure out._

_“Duscur is gone…but I’m still here…” Dedue spoke softly beneath his breath._

What a fool he was back then. 

Dedue faded in and out of memory as he proceeded further down his chosen path, finding the pain grow number every time he returned to reality. He wasn’t sure how long he had been walking now, and he feared to look behind to check just how far away the dilapidated house was. But regardless…he was on a path to somewhere. And somewhere was better than remaining there.

He wouldn’t die on this path. He would refuse it. Like what Mercedes told him long ago – something he truly learned the meaning of in the months following that brief encounter – he was still here. Duscur, the academy, and possibly even the Faerghus he knew was gone…but he still stood. Dedue held all those precious memories and he would refuse for any of them to be forgotten. And he would refuse to die or stop with all of those weights hanging on his shoulders. He would find his place beside his highness again and would ensure that those memories would not end with him.

Dedue took in a harsh breath and bit down on his lip, refusing to allow the pain to take him now. No…he would bare it. 

Dedue closed his eyes…and clung to those memories, helping him push forward.

\--

_Mercedes took in quick breaths, leaning against a tree to steady herself. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw it again. The memory of the bandit in front of her being stricken down by her own hand, the lance she held drenched in his blood. The first time she had even taken another person’s life. _

_It was the Blue Lions class’ first mission outside the monastery, a clearing of bandits. Mercedes had been steeling herself for something like this ever since she entered the officer’s academy. Everyone in class would be training for combat, and that meant that everyone would take a life at some point. Her, Annette, his highness…everyone. And it was that fact that made Mercedes feel pathetic for even reacting this way. This wouldn’t be her first kill or anyone else’s. Other people in her class – even Annette – seemed to be taking this with stride. But all she did was feel pale and sick, like she would puke at any moment._

_And all the while, she felt worse and worse for feeling this way. It felt wrong to kill this way. Killing had been the only option for her in that moment. That bandit would have hurt or killed her if she hadn’t stricken him down first. But the moments after felt wrong. Mercedes felt the need to pray, but there wasn’t time to pray over a corpse in a battlefield. There was only time to step over the body and move on. As though she wasn’t allowed to feel anything for the person lying there._

_She took in a shaky breath, slowly raising her hands in prayer. Mercedes squeezed her eyes shut, seeing the memory and trembling. And before she could even think of a prayer, her eyes snapped back open, too afraid to keep them in the dark. _

_Footsteps parted through the tree line, and Mercedes looked up, startled. And soon, she met the eyes of one of her classmates. Dedue._

_Oh no, she was probably worrying the rest of the class, stepping away like this. But she didn’t want to be with them right now. Especially not Annette. Annette was her best friend, but…Annette had been almost…excited to strike down an opponent. For Mercedes to act like this when Annette acted the opposite…Mercedes was almost ashamed. She was the oldest of the class, after all. She should know the realities of being in the officer’s academy more than most. _

_Mercedes stood there frozen, unsure what to do. She couldn’t lie and say she was fine. It was obvious to anyone that she wasn’t – it was why she was hidden in the first place. But…what should she do?_

_Dedue took a few steps forward, his armor disturbing the silence of the woods. She only watched quietly, expecting a summons back to camp. _

_But instead, Dedue stopped several feet away from her, turning to look out to a different part of the woods, crossing his arms._

_“…Take all the time you need.”_

_Mercedes just stared for a moment, “W…What?”_

_“This was your first battle, correct?” Dedue’s voice was quiet, his eyes locked on something far away, like he was making a clear effort to look away from her, “I…remember mine quite clearly. As long as I’m out here, the others shouldn’t search for a while longer.”_

_“I…” Mercedes was quiet for a moment, “Thank you, Dedue.” Her voice was tired, exhausted from the mental turmoil. And yet…part of her was calmer now. If he was sent out here, then the others wouldn’t come find her. Which meant…she had time. And the fact that she wasn’t in a rush to get better made everything seem clearer and slower. Finally, she could lower her head, closing her eyes. She could still see the memory of the bandit she struck down…but it was easier to think through. Easier to repent to the goddess for._

_All the while, Dedue was quiet, staring out into an unknown spot in the woods. Silently guarding, saying absolutely nothing. And once Mercedes was finally finished praying, repenting, thinking about what kind of road waited for her further into the academy…Dedue silently led the way back, saying nothing of what he saw._

“Mercie…” A gentle, hushed voice, a hand on her shoulder. “Mercie!”

Mercedes slowly awoke from the dream – the memory – and looked to the side to see Annette hunched over beside her, the soft light from the window reflecting on her face.

“Oh…” Mercedes paused to yawn, “Good morning, Annie.”

“Morning,” Annette flashed a smile, standing up straight and fetching her bags, “It looks like the roads are clear. I think we’ll be able to reach the monastery by tonight as long as it keeps up!”

“Wow…already? It feels like we only started traveling yesterday,” Mercedes slowly got up, stretching. Everything felt positively sore…but that was the price of resting on the ground. Even with bedrolls and blankets, everything still felt absolutely rough on her. 

“Yea, it feels like it’s been all going right by,” Annette laughed, slinging her bag over her shoulder, her staff at the ready in her free hand, “Pretty much the only thing reminding me is my feet.”

“Hopefully the spa is still running in the monastery,” Mercedes chuckled, “I’m sure we could both use a trip there.”

“Definitely!” Annette joked, stepping to the front door of the abandoned home.

Mercedes gathered her things and followed, walking out to a crisp morning. It was much brighter than it was the previous night, with most of the storm already retreating to the eastern sky. A soft sun casting light on an open field, dew clinging to all of the grass and plants. And far in the distance…a gathering of mountains with tall structures standing in the center of it all. Garreg Mach.

“Goddess…it looks so far away still…” Mercedes whispered.

“We’ll just need to be quick,” Annette smiled, flashing Mercedes a smile before leading the way in the direction of the monastery. 

Mercedes felt a mixture of anticipation and dread as she looked upon the monastery. She was excited to see everyone again…but also afraid. What if something terrible happened to one of her classmates? There was the news about Dimitri…but even then, it didn’t seem real. She felt as though if she met whoever else arrived at the monastery, it would confirm all of those fears and bring even more to the table. But still, she needed to be positive. To swallow those fears and step forward. She wasn’t the woman before, panicking over the death of one man. No…she had grown. And this was something she needed to see through. 

Mercedes looked over towards the storm clouds to the east, frowning the slightest bit as another well of fear drew in her stomach. But she took in a deep breath, looking to the monastery and taking a step forward, following Annette towards the intended reunion.


	3. Quiet

“This doesn’t seem real…”

Shivers went down Mercedes’ spine as her and Annette’s footsteps echoed through the decrepit halls of the former officer’s academy. The past several moments were a series of horrific images one after the other. Walls crumbled into dust, the remains etched with scars of blades and tattooed with ashes of fire. Rooms stripped clean of valuables and otherwise made into the homes of stray cats and dogs. Echoes of a battle long since passed and signs of the raid long after the church was overtaken. 

It was…difficult to even imagine these ruins and the academy in her memories as one in the same. Mercedes knew that the monastery wouldn’t be the same. She knew it from the flames that followed behind all those years ago. But still, when she lived so far away from all of this, running before she could even witness the destruction firsthand…it was easier to pretend that the monastery was the same. 

But now…there was no denying it. Things had changed. This was reality. And though Mercedes sprouted sweet smiles and hopes of a full class meeting again here…part of her began to doubt. What if the others were like the monastery itself? Broken. Bleeding. Desolate. 

Dead.

Mercedes took in a shaky breath, trying to force those ideas down. She needed to hold onto hope. They were still alive. Still fine. 

She snuck a peek at Annette, who looked absolutely horrified with every crumbled wall they passed, with every bit of remains they had to step around. And somehow, Mercedes’ grip on her hopes tightened. 

Yes…because if she didn’t hold onto that hope…then who would?

“It definitely could use some work…” Mercedes spoke, “I wonder if our old classroom is still here. Do you think we would meet there?”

“I think that’s our best bet,” Annette looked up to Mercedes, “We can at least try to get as close as we can.”

“Right, of course,” Mercedes just smiled, and swallowing the anxieties deep inside of her. 

Right…it would be fine. They would see their classmates again, and it would just be like old times. The remnant of a time long ruined.

They walked in silence for a time, just looking around at all of the crumbled memories around them. And then Annette stopped, reaching out to grab Mercedes by the arm.

“Annie?” Mercedes looked down at her friend, blue eyes meeting a furrowed expression.

“Shh!” Annette put a finger to her lips, her voice hushed, “Did you hear that?” 

“No, I didn’t. What is it?”

Annette fell silent, listening carefully. Mercedes looked around. They hadn’t seen any soldiers come up the hill since they arrived. There couldn’t be anyone from the empire here…right?

And then…Mercedes finally heard the noise. The sound of steel on steel. The telltale signs of a distant battle.

The two of them locked eyes, both scared and anxious. And then…the two slowly began to walk down the halls towards the noise, keeping their weapons at the ready.

_Mercedes tightened her grip on the sword, looking intently on the training dummy in front of her. She took in a long, drawn out breath, going over the movements in her head once more, just as Dimitri showed her. This was simple. This was something she could do._

_After a few more breaths, she charged forward, keeping her blade at the ready. She got closer and closer. And she rose up her blade and slashed down –_

_Only for the blade to no longer be there._

_“W-What?” Mercedes spoke softly, looking at her hands with astonishment. And then, after a moment, she heard the clatter of steel behind her. _

_Oh no…it happened again._

_A frustrated breath left her as she turned around. Honestly, there was no way she would pass the exam like this. She was only thankful that nobody was around to see that. After Dimitri tried to help her with her sword technique, she hardly wanted to get anyone else involved with her own personal technique of letting her sword fly every which way. Mercedes was even hesitant to show these skills to the professor, and she had an exam soon!_

_She finally saw the sword a distance behind her…and by a pair of boots that weren’t there before. Mercedes blinked, looking up to see one lone student standing there with a face painted in absolutely shock. _

_“Dedue!” Mercedes called out, immediately rushing over to him, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to throw my sword like that…I didn’t hurt you, did I?”_

_“Erm…” Dedue tried to shake himself from his shock, looking down at her with a mildly relieved and mildly concerned look on his face, “I’m fine, the sword didn’t hit me at all.”_

_“Thank goodness,” Mercedes let out a relieved breath, reaching down to pick up the sword, “I didn’t know you were here. I thought nobody else was coming for the day.”_

_“I thought the same. I wasn’t expecting you, either.”_

_“And I’m sure you didn’t expect a sword thrown at you, did you?” Mercedes chuckled, more at herself than anything else, “I’m sorry, if you want to train, then I’ll pack up my things.”_

_“No, you were here first,” Dedue spoke, looking down to the sword in her hands, “I heard that you have an exam soon, so I wouldn’t want to disturb your training.”_

_“Oh…” Mercedes looked a little embarrassed, “Did you hear that from Dimitri?”_

_“That and…a few other things.”_

_Just a few other things, he said. Mercedes looked up at him with a sheepish look on her face. Did he mean that as in Dimitri told him just an abridged version or…the entire story of a training session gone horribly wrong, resulting in Mercedes nearly throwing every sword directly in his direction? She blinked, trying to figure out just what Dedue meant…but there was the same stoic look on his face. Not saying one way or the other._

_“I see…” Mercedes continued, looking down to her sword, “Well…I’m not sure how much more training will do me. Even with Dimitri’s help, I haven’t done much improvement. You’re welcome to take the grounds if you want to.” After all, he was more of a physical fighter than she would ever be. He would definitely improve with more training…while she would just toss swords like windswept javelins all evening._

_“No, I don’t want to intrude…” Dedue shook his head, and then paused, looking at her, “When is your exam?”_

_“In a few days…” Mercedes sighed._

_Dedue was quiet for a moment, looking back down at the sword once more, “Can you…show me how you were wielding your blade?”_

Mercedes stopped right in her tracks when she saw movement ahead. Shadows of bandits rushing through the emptied halls with weapons drawn. She pressed her back to the wall to stay as hidden as possible, and Annette did the same. Their eyes locked on all the commotion and movement ahead, and they tried creeping up as much as they could without drawing attention. They caught snippets of conversation. Cries for help between the crashing of blades.

Yells about two intruders. A woman…and someone more a beast than a man.

She couldn’t help but hold her breath at that information. A woman…who could it be? Ingrid? The professor? No, the professor vanished all those years ago…was it someone completely different?

Mercedes didn’t know a thing about the person more a beast than a man. She just knew that there was _someone_ there, someone who could give them more information. Someone that they might know.

As another group of bandits ran down the hall, Annette and Mercedes pursued quickly behind, listening as the clash of swords grew louder and louder.

_The sword clattered behind her once again, and Mercedes couldn’t help but let out a frustrated sigh._

_“Darn it…” she took a moment to compose herself before looking up at Dedue, “See? The sword won’t even stay in my hand.”_

_“Hm…” Dedue didn’t look as shocked as he did the first time. His hand was on his chin, eyes on her now empty hands. Mercedes nervously held them in front of her, worried what his conclusion would be. What if she was a lost cause? What would so do then? She couldn’t just not do the exam, after all. If Dimitri’s help failed and Dedue couldn’t figure out her problem…then there was no helping someone like her! Goddess, she wouldn’t look forward to speaking with her adoptive father about a failed mark…_

_“You’re holding it correctly…” Dedue finally began speaking, and he walked back to where the sword was, picking it up carefully, “And your stance seems to be correct.” He held the sword for a moment, thinking._

_“So I’m a lost cause?” Mercedes couldn’t help but chuckle, trying to mask the dread. Dedue was a kind – albeit quiet – man, but she didn’t want him to try and say things nicely for her sake. She could handle something she already suspected, after all._

_“No, I don’t think so…” _

_“Hm?”_

_Dedue walked back over to her, holding out the hilt for her, “When you lift the blade, don’t use too much of your strength. I suspect that might be part of your problem.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Well…it almost seemed like you lifted it up too fast and…”_

_“And it slipped out of my hand?”_

_Dedue sighed, “Yes, exactly.”_

_Mercedes took the sword and couldn’t help but giggle again, “Goodness, you would think I would have more trouble with actual combat than this.” She faced the training dummy as Dedue took a couple steps back. She took in a deep breath, lifting her blade as slowly as possible, even as her arms began to shake from the weight. And then she went down on the dummy, tearing a long mark down the center. And Mercedes stood there for a long moment in disbelief at the entire sight of it._

_“I…did it!” She looked at Dedue as a bright smile formed on her lips. “The sword’s still in my hand!”_

_A very small, faint smile spread on Dedue’s face, “That was an excellent job.”_

_“Oh, I wouldn’t go so far as to say excellent, but thank you so much, Dedue!” Mercedes spoke._

_“It was nothing. I simply gave you some advice, and you used it to improve. Your success is your own.”_

_“Still, thank you,” Mercedes smiled, “It definitely sped up my training, that’s for sure.”_

_“Would you…like me to help you?”_

_“Oh, yes! That is, if you don’t mind.”_

_“Not at all,” Dedue walked over to the rack of training weapons – all enchanted as to not seriously injure any other students – and picked up a large, sturdy axe, “It helps my training as well.”_

“Over there!” Annette spoke, pointing out to a clearing that opened up from the end of the hallway. In the clearing, Mercedes could see commotion. Countless bandits rushing about with weapons drawn. The sparks of blades crashing against eachother. One person standing in the center of countless enemies, a golden, twisted sword lashing out like a whip to rout each one. There was a flash of bright, green hair. A face that hadn’t once changed in five years.

“It’s the professor!” Mercedes couldn’t help but call out as they stepped into the clearing. And for a moment, she couldn’t help but feel absolute relief. The professor was here. The one person who had vanished five years ago had made it. The most impossible member of the Blue Lions was here.

“Mercie! Watch out!” 

Mercedes looked to the side, watching as a bandit charged towards her, sword drawn and ready to strike.

And then…something knocked right into that bandit, knocking him right to the ground. Something large, menacing. A shadow cloaked in blue, streaked in blood and dirt. A boar’s pelt draped overtop of it, almost giving Mercedes the impression of a wild animal. But then, in the midst of the fur was a tuft of long yellow hair. An eyepatch. An animalistic blue eye, wide with bloodlust. 

A long, jagged lance extended out from beneath the blue cloak, stabbing right through the downed bandit, his screams only interrupted by the harsh sound of steel upon the stone ground below. And Mercedes couldn’t breathe at the sight of it, even as the bandit’s screams faded to oblivion and the body fell limp on the ground. And she was afraid that this _was_ a feral animal.

Then the figure turned its head, looking down at her. And she saw him.

The realization came to Mercedes in an instant, though she was confused. Hesitant to accept it. Because out of all the dilapidation and ruin that she saw that night, this was the most crumbled of all over those five years. And Mercedes couldn’t help but curse the small amount of hope she felt by seeing him like this. Or, rather, seeing him at all.

Dimitri. He was alive.

And that meant…_he_ was also…?

“Mercie!” Annette was quick to her side, looking at the figure before them with an absolutely shocked look on her face.

Dimitri didn’t react to either of them. It was almost like he was…acknowledging their existence. Calculating whether they were friend or foe. But then another bandit stirred nearby, and a wild, frenzied smile appeared on his face, and he rushed in the bandit’s direction, his lance at the ready.

Mercedes looked at Annette, “Was that…really…?”

“I…think so…” Annette frowned, and then shook her head, “Come on…we can’t think about that. We need to help the professor.” She readied her staff, and ran off deeper into the battle. And Mercedes, with vague hope in her heart, followed, keeping that one, hopeless thought in her head as she looked around the battleground. Seeing more and more of her classmates trickle into the fray.

Finding all but one. And it terrified her.

\--

_”Oh goodness…”_

_Dedue looked down at Mercedes, the exhaustion as plain as day on her face. She was panting, struggling to keep her sword at the ready, adjusting every time her sword swayed to and fro in her grip. Honestly…it was admirable to see her still struggling to keep training, despite her obvious struggles to keep up with a basic form._

_“Do you need to take a break?” Dedue asked._

_Mercedes blinked, lowering her blade and looking up at him, “Yes…I think that would be for the best…” He watched as she walked over to the weapon rack on the far side of the training grounds, putting away her sword for the moment. He took in a deep breath, holding up his training axe. While she needed a break, training with her hardly exerted him. And he knew that wasn’t an insult to her ability. She was simply new to using a blade. _

_“Honestly, Dedue…” Mercedes continued as she walked back to a closer spot to where he stood, sitting down in the grass, “I’m amazed that you still look okay. I feel like I’ve ran across the entire monastery ten times over.”_

_“Well, this is a new skill for you, correct?” Dedue spoke, lowering his axe, “It is only natural for you to be more exerted than me.”_

_“I suppose you’re right…” Mercedes looked up at Dedue with a gentle smile on her face, “Still, you should take a break too.”_

Thoughts came in waves to him now.

One moment he was in a grassy field, struggling through the moonlight.

One moment he was crouched against a rock, avoiding the eyes of imperial patrols.

Another, he was striking down a lone wolf charging for his throat.

Still walking. Still moving. Still standing.

He hardly knew where he was going at this point. At some point, the pain grew worse. Whether it was new or always like that, he couldn’t think hard enough to remember. All he knew was the direction he needed to go in. The direction to his highness. As long as he was still moving, he could live with this, blanking out to get lost in his own mind, lost in the clouds.

_”Hm?” Dedue looked down with a raised eyebrow._

_“You should take a break,” Mercedes repeated, gently patting a patch of grass beside her, “I know you aren’t nearly as tired as I am, but it’s still a good thing, don’t you think?”_

_“I see…”_

He blinked again. There were several buildings in the distance. Poor. Probably safe. Still, it wasn’t a good idea. It never was a good idea to get involved in villages.

_Dedue walked over to the weapon rack and put away the training axe, hesitantly walking back over to where Mercedes sat. He hesitated for a long moment, taking in a deep breath. Did she really want him to sit beside her? It was…different. Not necessarily a bad thing…though he couldn’t help but feel hesitation at the offer of it rather than the gesture itself. Like it was so different that it was…hm…_

_Slowly, he sat down beside her, keeping a few feet of distance between them._

_In the corner of his eye, he could see Mercedes smile._

Another blink. Shadows began to exit the buildings. Some stopping in a distance. Some approaching. He wasn’t sure whether it was the evening sky or his own failing vision that made it hard to see who or what they were. 

He tried to take a step back. His legs didn’t move.

_Part of him wasn’t exact sure what to do. Before, when they spoke, there was a purpose behind it. A topic of discussion. Flowers passed to her in the corner of the garden. Politely speaking in class. Everything had a purpose behind it. And now, there was nothing to grasp on. Just him and her, sitting for a break. _

_“I…apologize,” Dedue spoke, “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.”_

_“Hm?” Mercedes looked over at him with what looked to be…confusion. And then, another gentle smile crossed her lips. She looked up to the sky, tilting her head a little bit._

_“Well, we’re taking a break,” she continued, “And that can include a break from…anything really. Honestly…sometimes sitting in the quiet is very relaxing, don’t you think?”_

_“I…” Dedue kept his eyes on her for another long moment, and then looked to the sky as well._

The figures approached. One taller and one as tall as his hips. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t hear. Couldn’t feel. His eyes blurred as they grew closer and closer. And when he blinked, he prayed he would see another scene before him.

And he did.

A scene level with the ground. Figures standing around him. One small bit of noise trickled in. A call for help.

_Dedue smiled, his stance relaxing the slightest bit, “Yes…I think it’s quite relaxing.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait between chapters! I honestly had to outline this several times because my first few plans just didn't end up panning out as I wrote it out ;v;


End file.
